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Best of the Fest

Download festival, 2009, festivals, donington park

Download
12-14 June
Donington Park, Derby
£160
www.downloadfestival.co.uk

What year is it again? Itchy only asks because on June 14 Download festival will draw to a close with the glorious hair-rock strains of Def Leppard, Whitesnake and ZZ Top. A few modern metallers have crept onto the bill - there's Trivium and twiddle-happy nutters Dragonforce - but essentially it's all about the comebacks. Faith No More are the biggies - but there's plenty of far less exciting resurrected behemoths. Not least Papa Roach, Motley Crue and - ahrgh! - Limp Bizkit.

RockNess
Dores, near Inverness
12-14 June
£139
www.rockness.co.uk

If you like a bit of crazy haired frontman action (courtesy of devil child frontman Keith Flint) and camping in a field with a bunch of hot Scots then Rockness is for you. Like Loch Ness, RockNess has become somewhat legendary, with people trekking across the country to catch an oh-so-elusive glimpse of the action - hardly surprising given their stonking lineups. This year sees The Prodigy, The Flaming Lips, Basement Jaxx, Placebo and Orbital headlining, so don't expect to be getting any sleep.

Isle of wight festival, 2009, seaclose park, newport

Isle of Wight
Seaclose Park, Newport
12-14 June
£140
www.isleofwightfestival.com

Oh we do like to be beside the seaside... oh we do like to be beside the sea... until we turn green and promptly puke up... over you, your friends and me. Brave the ferry and head to the number one destination for UK school trips and you might just get a musical treat that makes it worth seeing your lunch again. A host of names will be descending on the Isle of Wikkid, so make sure you pack that neon outfit for the Ting Tings, your bling for Goldie Lookin Chain, and your skinny jeans for Razorlight.

Glastonbury
24-28 June
Worthy Farm, Pilton
Sold out
www.glastonburyfestivals.co.uk

After Jay Z's triumphant Saturday night headline set on the Pyramid Stage last year, Glasto has gone back to its rock roots, topping the bill with three established crowd-pleasers: Bruce Springfield, Neil Young and Blur. Other confirmed acts include Franz Ferdinand, Fleet Foxes and Florence and the Machine. Not that the bands matter much, of course. Itchy will be spending the whole weekend in Lost Vagueness, wearing esoteric face paint and getting freaky with avant-garde theatre troupes (all while attempting fire-eating). Unlike last year, tickets have sold out; if you're lucky enough to have nabbed one, oh boy you're in for a high old time! Honestly. You are. If there's ever a place for unironic exclamation marks, it's Glastonbury.

T in the park, festival, 2009, balado, kinross-shire

T in the Park
10-12 July
Balado, Kinross-Shire
Weekend tickets sold out; day passes from £60
www.tinthepark.com

The line up of Scotland's flagship festy essentially amalgamates the good, the bad and the very bad yet quite attractive of the three shindigs above - with a few wildcards thrown in. Industrial metal legends Nine Inch Nails headline the Radio One Stage on the Saturday night, for instance - and new wave veterans Squeeze pop up on the Main Stage on Sunday afternoon. The ubiquitous Kings of Leon promise a good finish to Friday, but they're at Reading, too. Where, then, is the crucial unique selling point? Hmm. Guess it'll have to be Scotland. Yikes.

Latitude
Henham Park, Southwold, Suffolk
16-19 July
£150
www.latitudefestival.co.uk

Go 10 degrees north, 5 degrees west, 35 degrees south east, and voila! You are now... in the middle of nowhere. Thankfully Latitude fest is not a test of your orienteering skills - if it were then Itchy would probably end up drowning in a lake somewhere - it's four days of camping fun for the culturally inclined. Bat for Lashes, Little Boots, Editors, Doves, and, er, Grace Jones will all be singing their stuff, but Latitude is more about what else is on offer. There's chilled out poetry, literary areas, comedy and cabaret arenas, and an outdoor theatre. There'll be English Literature graduates galore. Word of warning though: if you don't like seeing naked fat people avoid the Gossip's set, because Ditto likes to get a bit clothesless ya know.

Secret garden party, hungtindon, festival, 2009, 23-26 july

Secret Garden Party
Near Huntingdon, Cambridgeshire
23-26 July
£144
www.secretgardenparty.com

You know when you turn up to a party where everyone is oh so hip and cool, but also totally welcoming and friendly? This mini fest is just like that. But better. Not only will Jarvis Cocker and VV Brown be stretching their vocal cords, there'll also be the likes of Evil Nine and Freeland spinning the decks for those in need of a boogie. Look out for this year's floating tower on the lake - or take a rowing boat out - last year pirates blew up a galleon (exploded, not inflated), so expect something just as cool this time round. Oh and just so you know, this fest has serious arty undertones - remember to dress to impress.

V Festival, chelmsford, weston park, staffordshire, hylands park, 22-23 august

V Festival
22-23 August
Hylands Park, Chelmsford and Weston Park, Staffordshire
Weekend tickets sold out; day passes from £113
www.vfestival.com

Oasis are the big draw at this year's V - a festival which likes to sling slabs of popular naff pop (Katie Perry/Lady Gaga/Lily Allen) alongside chunks of popular naff rock (The Killers/Razorlight/Keane). There are probably more big names here than at any other festival in the UK, but only the swaggering Mancunians exert real pulling power. Are you really going to weep at the prospect of missing Snow Patrol? Or Ocean Colour Scene? Or goddamn Athlete? Itchy, for one, is not. We see no soul here, friends. No soul at all.

Reading/Leeds
28-30 August
Little John's Farm, Reading and Bramham Park, Leeds
Weekend tickets sold out, but day passes from £120
www.readingfestival.com
www.leedsfestival.com

Radiohead? In the monster metal band Sunday night slot? Well, how novel. Last time Itchy went to this festival we were offered at least five different varieties of drug before we'd even pitched our tent. We didn't partake, of course. Constructing your temporary living space while under the influence of psychotropic substances is, Itchy imagines, beyond our abilities. The line up this year is particularly strong - especially Sunday night, which features Bloc Party, Yeah Yeah Yeahs and Vampire Weekend warming you up for the Radiohead headliner. This year - and probably this year only - Reading and Leeds is worth braving the hordes of mosh-happy indie kids for.

bestival, isle of wight, robin hill country park, 11-13 september

Bestival
11-13 September
Robin Hill Country Park, Isle of Wight
£140
www.bestival.net

No concrete info on all the acts yet, but Bestival's headliners are pretty much confirmed as Massive Attack, Kraftwerk and Elbow. This newbie to the festival scene (2009 will be its sixth year) boasts the 'world's biggest fancy dress party', as well as many other quirky titbits. Comedians form a significant part of Bestival's appeal. Last year saw Phill Jupitus, Andrew Maxwell and Marcus Brigstocke gracing Jestival - the festival's comedy wing. At Itchy we like to think of it as a sort of Glastonbury-lite.

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